Soliloquys

I have been very quiet for the past few months.
Unfortunately my eyes had another episode (due to my corneal dystrophy).
When I have these episodes it takes quite the toll on my mental health. Both because of the uncertainty of how long they last and because of the isolation that I suffer.
Now, the episode isn’t a simple erosion that lasts a few days.
It’s severe dryness that lasts between eight to twelve weeks requiring the use of corticosteroids to resolve.

I don’t like using steroids because of the side effects, weight gain mainly and increased appetite. Along with insomnia and coupled with my depression – a tendency towards suicidal ideation.
Sitting at home alone, with just your own thoughts rattling about your skull. And to make it worse during the time of COVID in which even if you wished to meet up with others it’s in advisable.

It was tough.

Fortunately I recovered and am back at work. Which relieved a lot of the psychological weight, but that anxiety still persists – that whispering voice that another episode could be just around the corner.

For now, I should just do what I can. Which is to take steps to pull myself out of this rut called loneliness and despair.
It’s time to take the first steps.